Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
