I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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