I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
