i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize