Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
