you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
