guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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