Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.

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(858): I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star. http://tfl.nu/5mxp

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(281): View more from Texas

On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?

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(281): On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do? http://tfl.nu/4exj

Replies (48) Good night (1605) Bad night (6114)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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(630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2

Replies (17) Good night (5066) Bad night (1109)
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(410): View more from Maryland

There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.

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(410): There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to. http://tfl.nu/sxdr

Replies (17) Good night (1394) Bad night (5872)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?

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(508): He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig? http://tfl.nu/6st9

Replies (2) Good night (1112) Bad night (2885)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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(952): Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you. http://tfl.nu/1zuw

Replies (13) Good night (1419) Bad night (4114)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.

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(973): That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this. http://tfl.nu/9yd7

Replies (10) Good night (2089) Bad night (1019)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.

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(617): Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex. http://tfl.nu/9jjl

Replies (4) Good night (4189) Bad night (1051)
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(248): View more from Michigan

They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.

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(248): They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends. http://tfl.nu/ovl3

Replies (12) Good night (3875) Bad night (903)
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(210): View more from Texas

My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out

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(210): My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out http://tfl.nu/di5z

Replies (48) Good night (1532) Bad night (6763)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.

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(503): Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight. http://tfl.nu/viha

Replies (6) Good night (1213) Bad night (642)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.

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(803): I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me. http://tfl.nu/en2s

Replies (2) Good night (1407) Bad night (498)
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(519): View more from Ontario

You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.

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(519): You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew. http://tfl.nu/ni79

Replies (2) Good night (875) Bad night (392)
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(510): View more from California

Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.

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(510): Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle. http://tfl.nu/xmjt

Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (319)
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(631): View more from New York

I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck

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(631): I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck http://tfl.nu/l2kc

Replies (4) Good night (1127) Bad night (360)

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