you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
