so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT