she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
