if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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