trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
