ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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