There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
3 2 1 whiskey
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
