Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
