what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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