you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
