I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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