he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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