I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
