omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
