....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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