xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
