all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
