i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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