i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
