You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
