i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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