lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
