so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
