life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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