I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
