I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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