Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
