dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
