Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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