This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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