you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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