Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
