I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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