I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Fuck appropriateness.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
