The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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