tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
