Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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