Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
