After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
