sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
