don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
