he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
