Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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