Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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