I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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