the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
FUCK WHALES
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
