ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
