he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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