he thought i was a dude.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
