I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
