Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
