I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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