her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
