never play flip cup with pint glasses
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
