I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
