I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
