I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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