Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
not ubering you a puppy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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