How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
