so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
even my farts smell like vagina
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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