things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
