We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
