I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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