Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
