when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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