More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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