I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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