My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
