i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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