my phone needs a breathalizer
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
