just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
