Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
