not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
