I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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